NOTE: This space used to be for the now-defunct podcast postings of The Broke Nerdcast and The Dark Quarter. If you were following this space for that content, Jay and I have a different project that you can find at www.pcpradio.com for the same type of content. What follows will be the personal thoughts I have about recent events in my life. Thank you.
2015 is my year.
This is the mindset that I went into the year with. It had to be.
Almost four years ago my wife and I sat in our car in the parking lot of a movie theater and had the discussion we knew we needed to have. We love each other dearly, but it was clear that we were following different paths and we were just now able to admit it.
We tried to make it work for the sake of our young daughter and we were mostly successful that first few months in proving that we were, sadly not the best of couples - yet the best of friends. It was a brutal realization to meet, but a necessary one.
Then I get a call that my mother had been put in the ICU.
I am terrible with time frames, but it felt like my mother was in that hospital for eternity and I never really ever found out exactly why she was there to begin with. This had happened once before and I was confident that she would be fine, but this time we were told that she wouldn't survive without the machines and the loving woman that we knew would not come back to us if she did as she lost too much oxygen to her brain.
Upon hearing this news, you could tell that my father was lost. He was losing his best friend, the love of his life, and then some. With a brave face he let us know that he had faith that my mother would be taken care of by the Lord and agreed to take her off of the ventilator.
We were all grieving in our own ways and we spent a day remembering and reflecting on our memories of her. I cried a lot.
We were all sitting at an area near the hospital when I was a woman in a red top with graying dark hair in a motorized scooter coming from the hospital toward us. She looked and moved just like my mother and I was astonished. She didn't come all the way to where we were, but she passed my wife who was taking a phone call near a pathway leading to shops and restaurants. I stood and walked toward her as she disappeared around the corner and she was gone. Not even a tire track in the dirt remained and no sound of the motor.
I walked back to the tables and asked my cousin's husband - who was also facing that way when it happened to speak to me in private so as to not seem crazy in front of everyone. I asked if he saw something out of the ordinary just before I walked away and he told me that he saw my mom. He didn't say anything though and I told him not to.
Years later, my wife would tell me that she saw my mother up close when this happened and she vanished into the alley on that same day and didn't want to sound crazy..
The next day our family met and we surrounded my mother and said our goodbyes. She faded away from us while my dad held her hand. I don't remember what it was, but he said something that made me lose my composure and I had to leave.
She passed away and it never stopped hurting.
My wife and aunt handled most of the final arrangements for my mother. Being the oldest, I knew it was my responsibility to handle the financial burden as my family has never really had money. I am no exception to this, but I made an ok living. I had to take out a loan to pay for the expenses, but I was able to take care of them and that was the most important thing. The money people gave me to help was appreciated and went right to the loan.
Despite the fact that we still knew that we were drifting apart from one another, my wife and I rekindled our friendship. I was able to lean on her in my time of need. She was there for me and thank GOD because I needed her.
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