Yesterday I went to Hattiesburg to do comedy in front of a crowd of maybe a dozen people. It was in a restaurant and the food smelled amazing, but I didn't order anything. In truth, I have no idea how much money I even have, but I know its not enough. I never know how or when I would ever pay someone back for a kindness if someone asks if I wanted anything, so I always decline, even though i appreciate the offer.
I had tuna casserole earlier that I made enough of for lunch and dinner - hoping it would hold me over. It did not. "One day, this will all have been worth it." I hope.
Today, I'm not as prepared. I had sandwiches I was going to eat for dinner, but I ate them for lunch. I guess dinner is the oatmeal I saved myself and I eat in the break room long after I'm supposed to go home. I'm sure I'll be starving on the way home.
Gas has been inexpensive lately, though I'm worried about jinxing that by typing it out. I still can't chance driving all the way to Gulfport to vote and then driving back for another show.
I hang out in Ocean Springs, wondering what to do. My uncle appreciates my visits, but it's a far enough drive through some questionably maintained roads that I fear for my tires' integrity. I just did a withdrawal from my retirement fund to buy shoes, I can't do another one so soon for car repairs. My daughter is closer, but with my ex's boyfriend home, it just feels intrusive and uncomfortable even though we like one another.
Maybe I should sleep? My apnia surely won't kill me at this age without my mask. I could use the extra hours.
I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm lonely. I'm poor. "One day this will all be worth it." I hope.
Last night I had a restless night. Fat guy wearing a seatbelt that barely stretched across my barrel chest - not a recipe for a restful car ride. I passed out at 12:30 AM to wake up at 6:00 to get ready for work, but only after eating the Doritos my girl didn't eat. I hate Doritos, but I can't afford my own snacks and by the time she came back they'd be stale. A little sirracha helped them out though.
Now I'm tired and have a show at 10. New material tonight, so that's always exciting and nerve wracking. I had to take my blood pressure meds I'm running out of to ensure I didn't stroke out from the stress. I don't always take it anymore since I can't afford a doctor to refill the prescription.
Then I'll drive home. I'll get four or five more hours sleep and do it again tomorrow. A pizza place is the venue tomorrow. I'll be starved because I won't have time to cook tonight or in the morning before work. I'll just have to wait till I get home to cook. "One day this will all have been worth it."