My mother in law had been watching our sweet Savannah since she was born and lived with us so we would have mutual help with life as well as our expenses. She was an amazing woman and became one of my best friends and a surrogate mother since mine had passed.
A year had nearly passed when my wife, Boo and myself decided to take my mother in law with us to our yearly trip to Disney World. We all felt like it was needed - I had recently lost my mother, my wife had work issues that were so morbidly awful I won't go into them, and my mother in law and never been.
Disney World is my way of decompressing. It truly seems like the only place I can go and all of my cares seem to melt away. Not surprisingly, my mother in law had a blast and was able to do so many things that she never thought she would ever be able to. The trip was fantastic and I'm glad that I was able to share with her my favorite place in the world.
A few months later on a sunny summer day, my mother in law began feeling ill while filling up Savannah's little swimming pool. She went to rest as this wasn't something too entirely strange as she was prone to suddenly feeling bad, but we all thought nothing of it.
Again, my recollection of time frames is very poor, but either later that night or the next day Boo I was awakened by my wife needing to get her mom to the car. She was going to go to the hospital to see why she wasn't feeling right. Knowing how strong her mother was, I knew this had to be serious. While waiting for Boo to get the rolling chair (I think thats what she was doing - it was a hectic moment in time), her mother - with obvious fear on her face looked me in the eye. "Take care of Barbara."
Tears started streaming down her face and I'll never forget that moment. I reassured her that everything would be fine, but I would. Shortly thereafter Boo arrived with the chair and we took her to the car, physically put her in it and she drove off. I would never see my mother in law again.
Within a year's time I lost two mothers and I took it hard. It was even more difficult in that I wasn't sure if my level of mourning was appropriate. I learned not to care. She was my friend and forget you if you think I shouldn't grieve.
Again, we had to take out loans to pay for the final expenses. This time it was a loan that we really couldn't afford, but what else were we to do?
Boo leaned on me for support and I was here for her and vice versa.
Savannah misses her maw maw, of course. She will see her picture from time to time and tell us how she loves her even to this day. She made me bawl when she saw her picture the other day and asked me where she was. "She's an angel now, hon."
"She's an angel?"
"Yes. She will always be here with us."
"OK."
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Life's Katrinas: Part 1 - The Woman in the Red Top
NOTE: This space used to be for the now-defunct podcast postings of The Broke Nerdcast and The Dark Quarter. If you were following this space for that content, Jay and I have a different project that you can find at www.pcpradio.com for the same type of content. What follows will be the personal thoughts I have about recent events in my life. Thank you.
2015 is my year.
This is the mindset that I went into the year with. It had to be.
Almost four years ago my wife and I sat in our car in the parking lot of a movie theater and had the discussion we knew we needed to have. We love each other dearly, but it was clear that we were following different paths and we were just now able to admit it.
We tried to make it work for the sake of our young daughter and we were mostly successful that first few months in proving that we were, sadly not the best of couples - yet the best of friends. It was a brutal realization to meet, but a necessary one.
Then I get a call that my mother had been put in the ICU.
I am terrible with time frames, but it felt like my mother was in that hospital for eternity and I never really ever found out exactly why she was there to begin with. This had happened once before and I was confident that she would be fine, but this time we were told that she wouldn't survive without the machines and the loving woman that we knew would not come back to us if she did as she lost too much oxygen to her brain.
Upon hearing this news, you could tell that my father was lost. He was losing his best friend, the love of his life, and then some. With a brave face he let us know that he had faith that my mother would be taken care of by the Lord and agreed to take her off of the ventilator.
We were all grieving in our own ways and we spent a day remembering and reflecting on our memories of her. I cried a lot.
We were all sitting at an area near the hospital when I was a woman in a red top with graying dark hair in a motorized scooter coming from the hospital toward us. She looked and moved just like my mother and I was astonished. She didn't come all the way to where we were, but she passed my wife who was taking a phone call near a pathway leading to shops and restaurants. I stood and walked toward her as she disappeared around the corner and she was gone. Not even a tire track in the dirt remained and no sound of the motor.
I walked back to the tables and asked my cousin's husband - who was also facing that way when it happened to speak to me in private so as to not seem crazy in front of everyone. I asked if he saw something out of the ordinary just before I walked away and he told me that he saw my mom. He didn't say anything though and I told him not to.
Years later, my wife would tell me that she saw my mother up close when this happened and she vanished into the alley on that same day and didn't want to sound crazy..
The next day our family met and we surrounded my mother and said our goodbyes. She faded away from us while my dad held her hand. I don't remember what it was, but he said something that made me lose my composure and I had to leave.
She passed away and it never stopped hurting.
My wife and aunt handled most of the final arrangements for my mother. Being the oldest, I knew it was my responsibility to handle the financial burden as my family has never really had money. I am no exception to this, but I made an ok living. I had to take out a loan to pay for the expenses, but I was able to take care of them and that was the most important thing. The money people gave me to help was appreciated and went right to the loan.
Despite the fact that we still knew that we were drifting apart from one another, my wife and I rekindled our friendship. I was able to lean on her in my time of need. She was there for me and thank GOD because I needed her.
2015 is my year.
This is the mindset that I went into the year with. It had to be.
Almost four years ago my wife and I sat in our car in the parking lot of a movie theater and had the discussion we knew we needed to have. We love each other dearly, but it was clear that we were following different paths and we were just now able to admit it.
We tried to make it work for the sake of our young daughter and we were mostly successful that first few months in proving that we were, sadly not the best of couples - yet the best of friends. It was a brutal realization to meet, but a necessary one.
Then I get a call that my mother had been put in the ICU.
I am terrible with time frames, but it felt like my mother was in that hospital for eternity and I never really ever found out exactly why she was there to begin with. This had happened once before and I was confident that she would be fine, but this time we were told that she wouldn't survive without the machines and the loving woman that we knew would not come back to us if she did as she lost too much oxygen to her brain.
Upon hearing this news, you could tell that my father was lost. He was losing his best friend, the love of his life, and then some. With a brave face he let us know that he had faith that my mother would be taken care of by the Lord and agreed to take her off of the ventilator.
We were all grieving in our own ways and we spent a day remembering and reflecting on our memories of her. I cried a lot.
We were all sitting at an area near the hospital when I was a woman in a red top with graying dark hair in a motorized scooter coming from the hospital toward us. She looked and moved just like my mother and I was astonished. She didn't come all the way to where we were, but she passed my wife who was taking a phone call near a pathway leading to shops and restaurants. I stood and walked toward her as she disappeared around the corner and she was gone. Not even a tire track in the dirt remained and no sound of the motor.
I walked back to the tables and asked my cousin's husband - who was also facing that way when it happened to speak to me in private so as to not seem crazy in front of everyone. I asked if he saw something out of the ordinary just before I walked away and he told me that he saw my mom. He didn't say anything though and I told him not to.
Years later, my wife would tell me that she saw my mother up close when this happened and she vanished into the alley on that same day and didn't want to sound crazy..
The next day our family met and we surrounded my mother and said our goodbyes. She faded away from us while my dad held her hand. I don't remember what it was, but he said something that made me lose my composure and I had to leave.
She passed away and it never stopped hurting.
My wife and aunt handled most of the final arrangements for my mother. Being the oldest, I knew it was my responsibility to handle the financial burden as my family has never really had money. I am no exception to this, but I made an ok living. I had to take out a loan to pay for the expenses, but I was able to take care of them and that was the most important thing. The money people gave me to help was appreciated and went right to the loan.
Despite the fact that we still knew that we were drifting apart from one another, my wife and I rekindled our friendship. I was able to lean on her in my time of need. She was there for me and thank GOD because I needed her.
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