Keys to the Kingdom Part Three: Disney's Animal Kingdom

In parts one and two of the Keys to the Kingdom series, I had a good bit to say about what I would do to improve the parks in ways that I would enjoy seeing and this entry will be no different.

Animal Kingdom has always been my least favorite park in Walt Disney World and there are several reasons. Not that the park is bad, but the walk ways are cramped despite being the largest park, and there are fewer things to do that are worth doing than the other parks. In fact the best attractions are ones that some people pass up because you have to walk through them and people would ask, "Why would I want to walk for fun at this point?"

With that said, it is a gorgeous park with the Asia and Africa areas being the finest examples of theme park  theming I have ever had the pleasure of viewing.

The biggest issue with this park is how inconsistent the quality is, frankly. Africa and Asia are pitch perfect except for the Yeti needing fixed in Expedition Everest. Even though having the Yeti fixed means the end of "Disco Yeti", this is absolutely one of the things that need to happen.

We also need to replace the dragon with the Yeti. Why is that even there anymore?

The only area that I have any issue with (until Avatarland opens) is Dinoland and the surrounding areas. I understand what the Imagineers were going for, I really do; however, I do not believe that the area should exist just for the sake of the story that they are claiming need to be told.

Now this is where YOU come in.

I have two different ideas with what to do with this area. I will give you the chance to tell me which one you like or whether there are other things you would do to improve the area.

OPTION ONE:

Bulldoze the area and take the track to Dinosaur to the MK for the Indiana Jones attraction I proposed. Once we've successfully cleansed the area of all terribleness, we could go forward with Dinosaur theme again, but instead of a dig site, we are time travelers who have been sent to the past. Similar to the other walk ways, we could have different exhibits for the different dinosaurs as if they were living and breathing creatures with the cast members there to describe what life is like for these animals.

The whole thing culminates with a Tyrannosaurus Encounter attraction where we are taken to the Rex exhibit only for something terrible to happen and we are chased by a pack of T-Rexes as we flee to safety.

OPTION TWO:

Bulldoze the area and take the track to Dinosaur to the MK for the Indiana Jones attraction I proposed. Once we've successfully cleansed the area of all terribleness, we could go forward with a complete redesign.

The Finding Nemo musical is an extremely popular part of Dinoland and it has no business being there, so it would make far more sense to change the entire area to match the other sections and make it Australia.

There are enough ideas and unique animals that you could put in an Australian portion of the park that I'm certain that many people have had the same idea. Of course, since this is my blog, I should probably whip something up.

My idea would be to relocate the Seas type attraction to the park, but knowing the extreme difficulty of something like that, the Nemo musical may be the only mention of Australia's nautical wildlife.

Further in the area, we are able to tour the Walkabout Trails that will be similar to the other walking trail areas of the park. In the trails we find ourselves experiencing kangaroos, wallabys, koalas, and many of the creepy crawly things that want to kill everyone that Australia is famous for. You know? Family fun.

Pictured: Family Fun

At the end of the park, we find the Outback Outfitters shop and either Crush's Coaster or an entirely new experience that focuses on the beauty of the Australian Outback.

With that, we exit the Animal Kingdom for now. Which option do you prefer?

Join me again when I tackle my biggest project yet: The Disney Hollywood Studios where we will experience Queen Elsa's powers, the Force, and race for the finish line (literally) with a new area that might have a few glitches.

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Keys to the Kingdom Part One: Magic Kingdom

Have you ever sat down with friends or loved ones where you spent the imaginary money that you had as a result of a future lottery winning that likely will never happen? I love to do that kind of thing because for a brief moment in time, I can live like a millionaire in my gorgeous mansion in Orlando, surrounded by my loved ones in smaller houses as I go to the grocery store in my Delorean.

Much like those flights of lottery fancy, I always enjoy coming up with additions and policies that I would institute if I were in charge of Disney Parks. This is not only because they are cool, but because I think Disney would make a ton of money off of these ideas and I truly hope that they steal them.

I think we should really begin with the park that needs little introduction, the Magic Kingdom. Of course this means that I am going to introduce it anyway.

The Magic Kingdom is the park that people think about when people say Walt Disney World. Luckily, it doesn't really need too much work. The park is currently (as of April 2014) undergoing a refresh around the Hub to allow for better traffic flow as well as the addition of viewing areas for the fireworks. The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train will be opeining as the final stage of the New Fantasyland expansion that also included the hit Little Mermaid dark ride, the Be Our Guest resturaunt, and a few other nice bits. So what is there that can be done? Let's take this on a land by land basis so that you can better visualize what I would do.

Main Street:
Main Street needs very little in the way of changes cosmetically. In fact, the only real changes I would make in the area would be a refresh of the Tony's Townsquare Resturaunt and the merchandising.

Tony's is too cramped and the food is worse than an Olive Garden knock off. I would just get rid of the current menu (which I assume was written in crayon at the time they were originally written) and raise prices to make it more of a signature dining experience. Again, that only works if the food is good. Maybe we can get Chef Joe from MasterChef to do something with it. Of course that would be wishful thinking.

As we walk further down Main Street, the stores are all basically selling the same stuff that you can buy anywhere else in WDW. I think it would be a good idea to have at least a few items that are specifically for main street. T-shirts, hats, and even Dapper Dan merchandise would be nice.

Adventureland:
As we continue to move from Main Street and go clockwise to Adventureland, we cross over the bridge to discover the biggest change I would make to the Magic Kingdom.

The first thing you will notice is that Tinkerbell's Magical Nook (teehee) will be replaced by a meet and greet with Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, and the Genie allowing me to relocate the nook in another park (I will discuss specifics in a future installment). You and your family will be making the procession to congratulate Al and his new bride at their wedding.

As you move past the Aloha Isle and smoking area, you will find yourself with multiple paths you can take. Two of the paths will guide you through a series of shops and highly themed areas that look like a Middle Eastern market similar to what is located in the Morocco pavilion in EPCOT. (Yes, I know Morocco is in Africa)

Morocco Pavilion

The shopping area is like a maze and will give you the feel of being in an exotic country and will sell a selection of Indiana Jones merchandise. The area will completely replace the FLYING CARPETS OF ALADDIN attraction and will culminate with an Indiana Jones face character meet and greet opportunity.

Set up to be as if Marshall College, employer of Dr. Jones, is trying to get alumnus to donate money to the archaeology department by sending the world famous explorer on tour to shake babies and kiss hands.

The location of the meet and greet as well as the merch will make sense considering that the third path that leads straight ahead(accessible from the shops as well) will be INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF THE FORBIDDEN EYE or similar attraction where the SWISS FAMILY TREEHOUSE is currently located. Travelling past these locations will bring you past some areas that will not be touched including THE JUNGLE CRUISE, THE ENCHANTED TIKI ROOM, and PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN though the latter of which needs a severe refresh to fix the effects.

The PIRATE TUTORIAL will continue on in this area and Tortuga Tavern will be converted into a sit down restaurant with two character meal experiences. Breakfast will have the characters of Jake and the Neverland Pirates as they serve breakfast burritos (as suggested by Barbara Phelps) and the like and dinner will have Jack Sparrow to hob nob with guests as he looks for new crew members.

Frontierland:
Frankly, Frontierland is almost pitch perfect. The only thing here would be to ensure the effects on SPLASH MOUNTAIN keep working (often they don't) and add the Disneyland effects to BIG THUNDER MOUNTAIN RAILROAD.

Liberty Square:
Liberty Square is also pretty perfect. The only thing I can think of is to add whoever our next president is to the HALL OF PRESIDENTS.

Fantasyland:
Eff you Fantasyland! You've had enough TLC, dagnabbit!

Tomorrowland:
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Tomorrowland is a mess.

What does the "Tomorrow" in Tomorrowland even mean anymore, really? Not much of anything if you ask me. There isn't one aspect of the attractions located here that make me think of the Future as was the original intent of this land.

The good news about the land is that there really isn't too much that I can really do to it. I think the attractions located there are ok, but it is such a mismatched group of properties in there. It really is more of a sci-fi version of Fantasyland without the cohesiveness.

Any changes that I would do would be mostly cosmetic. Just drop some paint here and there, make sure the effects are working on all of the shows and what not. The only content change in the area would be to improve two of the attractions that are already there.

In the back of the area is the CAROUSEL OF PROGRESS, a fifty year old attraction with a finale that predicts a future that is about twenty years past. I say that the final scene should be overhauled to either the original as an homage, or change it to a new future and enter into the budget to update it again in another ten years.

The other attraction I would overhaul is STITCH'S GREAT ESCAPE. I really hate this attraction, but only because it seems to be effects based for the sake of effects. If I can just get the Imagineers to remove the chilli dog scene, it will be a major victory.


Aside from updating the fireworks and finding a replacement for the MAIN STREET ELECTRICAL PARADE, these are the major changes that I would make to the Magic Kingdom if I was the one in charge. Next time, I will take on what used to be a park of discovery: EPCOT. Until then, share this with those who would appreciate this type of thing and don't forget to comment and tell me what you like and dislike about my ideas. Don't be afraid to comment with what you would do instead because I love to hear new ideas!

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